I got myself a cute liter from Valley Fair today. I like shiny objects that make fire.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. A number of friends have plans, but I haven't made a concete decision yet. Either way, I'm in the mood for some cheap fun with good or soon-to-be good friends. Something like a bonfire, barbeque, and cheap fireworks. Fire always makes a good time.

The cruise to Mexico was alrite. The comedians, cruise director, and shows were entertaining. Too bad it was storming and the ship looked like an outdated las vegas casino.

So how was my christmas? Besides being unconventionally set on a mexican cruise, I spent the day seasick. During the first xmas rain storm in THIRTY years, I threw up 3 times before/after dinner. After my lovely nap, I woke up to vic holding 10 mini vodka bottles.

"Christmas presents from Dad, five are yours." Yay? I still went back to sleep. But I love my parents. Mmhmm.

Steph's birthday is today... I think. Happy Birthday Steph!

I'll be off at your party later tonite... then off to the cruise a la Mexico tomorrow morning. Ooo...Christmas on a boat. I can't wait for 24 hour buffets and shuffleboard.

shopping shopping shopping.

I just realized how much I hate my beloved American Eagles now. The snooty know-it-all cashier spent forever processing vic's return cuz she didn't kno the right return policy. Something about the atmosphere doesn't seem as inviting as before. Even on an empty wednesday early afternoon, I can feel an uptight, get-outta-my-face attitude. Salespeople follow me around, and not in that "can I help you" kind of way. But I did meet my new love... Nordstrom.*sigh*... so wonderful.

wow. College work isn't so bad after all. Grades are in and I'm quite satisfied.

WLD English57 = A-
Chemistry2A = B+
Math16A = A+

I thought I'd do a lot worse in Chem and Math, seeing that they're in 450+ and 200+ lecture halls. Thank god I took honors/AP classes, otherwise I'd be sooo clueless.

i'm HOMEEEEEEEEE!!!

time to buy all those dang xmas presents. I can't wait to go shopping. I haven't seen a mall in soooo long. Seeing city lights as we approached the bay area last night made me so happy... so happy to see civilization again.

YAY! Now I'm a competent writer just like you, Lily. Go Subject A!

First Final is done. Got an A in WLD english57. But am I a competent writer? Only Subject A can determine that...

Haven't slept before 4 pm in four days. Must stop playing Yahoo! games...

I am sick. Only a few more days then I'm home free...

The hallways are silent. Everybody's in a slumber or a panic, including my roomate. She's panicking over bond energies, molecular orbitals, or diffracting wavelengths. Somewhere in this silent chaos, I feel most comfortable. Everything seems to fall in place. Study chapters 1-3 on thursday, 4-6 friday, 9-11 saturday, 12 on sunday, review on monday, review on tuesday, etc.

Sometimes, I'm so organized that I scare myself.

ooo... ben harper songs are so pretty. I don't even care if its heavily peppered with religious references cuz its that goddam beautiful. After 3 years of neglect, his songs randomly appeared on my winamp again. Oh the wonders of the Shuffle option...

Oh no
here comes that sun again
that means another day
without you my friend...

I think im slowly turning into a loner. A drifting loner who goes to the library, absorbed in music, watching the simple lives of people around me. what the hell am I becoming? I feel more comfortable doing things and going places on my own... but being anti-social just doesn't feel right... like I'm going against my own nature...

On top of these matters, I'm doubting who is really my friend. Seriously. I think I recently overheard shit talk of me by so-called high school friends. Alrite, so high school is over, so if you still give me the impression that you're my good friend, but actually don't like me at all, then fuck it -- don't even pretend. Just don't talk to me and STAY out of my life. That includes bumming for shit. Then we can end being friends. Its easy like that. I sure as hell don't want a one-sided friendship.

I just want a peace of mind... just to feel like I'm OUT of high school. I feel like I can't get out of the surveillance of constant scrutiny and he-said-she-said crap. Every word I say gets spitted against me in 50 different versions of what I ORIGINALLY said. This makes even less sense now, cuz I talk 70 times less than ever before. I can talk forever for something I'm impassioned about, but simply to stay out of long, dumb-ass, pointless arguments, I'd prefer silence any day.

I've been posting really short posts now cuz dookie and tubby are constantly looking over my shoulders as I type. There's never a moment where this room is empty... NEVER. Luckily finals are around the corner, and ppl have better things to do than watch my every movement. yay for me, I'm getting less paranoid!

home was good. Friends back home remind me of how good friends should be... how sane, realistic people should be.